Whether that will make any serious difference I doubt because I think she is deep into a process of estrangement from you which your actions have accelerated. I think you may have to accept that, as the old saying goes, two people in love are not always destined to live together. It might be best to think of saying that exactly to her, that you know that she is estranged from you and that if she wants to go that she goes with your blessings albeit with great regret. If her feelings for you are stronger than everything else that has gone off or is going on, then she will come back to you. If not, then it is maybe best for it to wither rather than try to keep it falsely alive on either of your parts. It would be foolish for either of you, for both of you, to betray your true feelings.
Bottom line is its probably wholly unacceptable to be inexperienced at 33/34 so I guess I'll keep the status quo because its a heck of a lot better than have to field 100 questions as to why much the same way I need to justify to and every date why I don't drink.
I'm pis*ed off because the one thing he KNEW I was insecure about, he threw back in my face. When he knew I was having a tough time to begin with.
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